Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
