so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
