I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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