If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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