Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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