The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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