S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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