God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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