Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
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