Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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