I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
