I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
