ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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