hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
