i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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