My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
