consequently i now know what mace tastes like
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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