I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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