she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
