oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
