if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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