Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
