why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
