I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Randomize
