There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
