I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
