Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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