my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
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I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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