I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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