like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
