My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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