Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
