I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My pussy is not your playground.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
