Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My liver just had a heart attack.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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