Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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