Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
