I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
