I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
