Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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