I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
