she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
