I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
