What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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