I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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