It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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