It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
