Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
