i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is an emotional support booty call
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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