I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize