So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
