woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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