you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
