This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
