Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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