I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize