Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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