i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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