My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
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As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
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The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
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