2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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