At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
