I bet he comes in French.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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