I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
