I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
