also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
