Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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